I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
