when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
