I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
