Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
