If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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