So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
