i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
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Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.