If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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