I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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