I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
