just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
