Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
