you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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