I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
