How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
