I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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