We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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