does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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