Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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