that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
