Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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