sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
