Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
