I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
