Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
