You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
