Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
