Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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