"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
