dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
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woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
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All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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