it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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