I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
