we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
you never un-have a 4some
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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