I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
