if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
