It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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