He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
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I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
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You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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