so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
