Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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