rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
