Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
