I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize