Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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