Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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