I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
