and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
