you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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