I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
