i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
