There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
