I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
