I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.