Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face