Texts From Last Night

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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.

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  (423): it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me. http://tfl.nu/odtr
  Replies (7) Good night (528) Bad night (2716) Order T-Shirt
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  (646): View more from New York

  Please don't use social media to get back at me.

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  (646): Please don't use social media to get back at me. http://tfl.nu/bgjj
  Replies (11) Good night (534) Bad night (2759) Order T-Shirt
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.

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  (580): That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything. http://tfl.nu/fbvq
  Replies (77) Good night (2456) Bad night (4741) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip

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  (303): she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip http://tfl.nu/86nj
  Replies (20) Good night (4122) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.

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  (734): He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon. http://tfl.nu/88sk
  Replies (12) Good night (1476) Bad night (3544) Order T-Shirt
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.

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  (618): This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape. http://tfl.nu/eyxg
  Replies (14) Good night (1479) Bad night (4466) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!

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  (518): Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!! http://tfl.nu/blny
  Replies (8) Good night (3335) Bad night (896) Order T-Shirt
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  (801): View more from Utah

  He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.

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  (801): He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex. http://tfl.nu/rz6s
  Replies (12) Good night (4061) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency

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  (217): Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency http://tfl.nu/yuks
  Replies (10) Good night (3777) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.

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  (304): There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house. http://tfl.nu/pzrc
  Replies (8) Good night (1473) Bad night (1373) Order T-Shirt
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today

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  (618): I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today http://tfl.nu/z5b2
  Replies (4) Good night (2029) Bad night (1063) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.

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  (570): You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road. http://tfl.nu/405b
  Replies (5) Good night (1361) Bad night (380) Order T-Shirt
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.

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  (208): Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one. http://tfl.nu/4da2
  Replies (1) Good night (930) Bad night (221)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.

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  (610): I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work. http://tfl.nu/9c2o
  Replies (1) Good night (216) Bad night (470)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol

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  (617): I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol http://tfl.nu/guix
  Replies (3) Good night (684) Bad night (154) Order T-Shirt

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