these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
