i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
