I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
