So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
