New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
