so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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