I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
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Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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