Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
