can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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