Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
